Cat found - Ofcom watch out

Yes, Marmite was found outside trapped in our neighbour's courtyard. Miaowing her head off, and then her goldfish memory proving that human beings are superior to cats - she ran away from me when I came to rescue her.

Then Trotsky hissed at her - as her poor sister didn't recognise her either. But they're back to their old selves now, busy hopping from table to (incredibly expensive) record player.

Now I'm happy again, rather than dedicate hours of my time to reading semi-shit autobiographies of bitches, I can restart the Tatton campaign to introduce good old fashioned philanthropy into society - starting with an attack on Ofcom. Their conflict of interest register on the internet is practically as long as the Koran itself, and over my dead body if they're starting to deregulate further the already pathetically regulated so-called 'free press' or advertising industry as it should be called.

Every day the BBC gets worse - its breakfast programme could just be called 'Press Releases of Conglomorates'. The Today programme could be called 'Sell'. Well, ok it's not quite as bad, although they didn't have anyone challenging Sir Digby Jones the other day when he laid into trade unions...

PR Watch

The thing about PR is it's essentially free advertising. But who regulates it?

Myself at the moment.

The Sunday Times magazine last week (5th Feb).

8 articles. 7 of those are essentially selling something or someone's services. Nicky Clarke - advertising hairdressing, Suzi Qattro selling her new album. Bryan Sykes, a DNA expert selling his DNA company's servcies. Jeremy Irons selling his acting services. Diana princess of wales story - advertising an auction house. The National Portrait Gallery advertising its Wlliam Shakespeare portrait and a children's charity advertising itself. Then in the newspaper another childrens charity with a three page puff.

I am on a rubbish mailing list at work. I know when stuff's been sent from it because I'm 'Catton' on it. On Friday a glossy 122 full colour 'magazine' called 'Public Service Review: Health' came through.

Can we get one or two celebrities to back 'Keep Our NHS Public'?

When you've got the Daily Express backing a 'ban Inheritance Tax' campaign, probably initiated by The Queen and Dr Fox saying that there should be a maximum tax rate in the sunday Times, yet not saying how much he earns, I just start putting on Coldplay's 'Parachutes' to cheer me up.

'Everything's not lost'

PR Watch

There seem to be plenty of 'media watch' type campaigning organisations. When darling Phil eventually teaches me 1% of everything he knows about computers, and I manage to put links up here I'm going to refer to them.

I'm also going to set up 'PR Watch' to keep a check on PR. Every other bit of journalism you read is basically trying to sell you something. Why aren't they officially paying for it? Surely it's corrupt!

Bishop Ba Ba of Boob

We decided that if Phil was around in the 1820s he'd be Bishop Ba Ba of Boob.

I want to create a more open society

The problem with having an open society - is first of all, how do you define it? Secondly, am I sure I'll want it when I get it?

For the first question - an open society is a society based on peace and other idealistic values like love, health and laughter. Having a society based on fear promotes privacy.

The second question - I think I may be being too idealistic. For example, when I started work at the organisation I currently work for, I loved it. I loved those in charge at the top, I could see where they were coming from, their ideas, and why they were doing what they were doing. I liked the way they communicated. They appeared to listen to lowly people like me, who were relatively speaking, at the bottom of the organisation. They were very open with us and told us what was what. There appeared to be relatively little bullshit.

Just over six months ago after the issuing of the-document-which-I-will-not-refer-to-as-it-is-tosh-wank my idealistic dreams were shattered. Suddenly everything's changed and all these people who I loved who were in charge of me are telling me to shut up - virtually on a daily basis. And I tell them to shut up - by shouting at them when they speak to me in their condescending tones on the Today progamme.

You see openness is fine and lovely when it's a beautiful sunny day on the beach. But when the bastards start pelting you with shit, you start thinking, actually if I could get together with a couple of like minded people, build a little hut in the mud, which we used to call the beach and then start secretly finding out the bastards' game plan so we can move to another beach, or preferably another fucking planet. Suddenly a little peace and quiet, a secret space where we could hijack the shit propelling bastards seems much more appealling than the dreaded mud tornado the beach has turned into.

Just reading this blog makes me realise how influential tonight's TV programme has been; 'How Safe is your house' was a really scary reportage style TV show which demonstrated the dangers of fire, gas leaks, tornados and floods.

I've changed my mind. I don't want an open society. I want to live in a fortress behind steel plated fire proof doors and ten thousand alarm systems which alert me to fire, floods, pestilence, wind, earth and fire again. I want to be shielded from the truth at every opportunity because the truth is scary and dangerous. I just want to think about the next ten seconds...

Can Richard Morgan spell?

In my personal opinion, no, but I'd welcome any comments. Particularly from his friends and family. Phil's defence was at least he can lance a boil. I suppose at least Richard can ski. Which is more than I can do.

Brilliant programme on Radio Four last night - did my interesting dream four years ago have any significance?

One of the positive ways darling Phil has influenced my life is by forcing Radio Four on me. I am now addicted.

Last night (Saturday night let me remind) there was a lovely production of the French Lieutenant's woman. Then even better, there was 'Great Debates'. I've never heard it before, but they apparently take a 'real' debate or disagreement from the past and discuss it again with proponents of each argument. Last night it was Jefferson versus Hamilton at the birth of the USA. I didn't know any of this, but Jefferson was an idealist who believed in the people and local democracy. Hamilton, sounded unfortunately like a bit of a prat, advocating law & order etc, a centralised government and the first national bank. Ie George Bush in a wig. But it was very interesting, I was learning something I didn't know much about and it was done in a very good way, like a court of law so the debaters could bring forward witnesses.

Of course it's the perennial arguement that I debate with myself and any old sausage passing past me in the pub. Idealism versus materialism. Marx claimed to have conquered the debate with 'dialectical materialism' but I'm not so sure. Jefferson sounded to me like he was influenced by Hegel or vice versa, because of course Hegel was an idealist too.

Four years ago I dreamt that I was a young man, a German philosophy student in Paris in the 1820s. I was at Univesity in Paris, in a wood panelled room and a woman spoke to me to rebuke me for some misdemenour. I had no respect for this woman whatsoever. I woke up from the dream, convinced that feminism was not seen as part of philosophy now. Sure enough, it was not listed in the dictionary of philosophy I had.

Being a woman, I know we are obscured from these highbrow philosophical and political debates. There haven't been many female philosophers, certainly not idealistic ones. The pursuit of love has not been studied in any depth from a philosophical angle. The pursuit of love is in the material world - evolution and David Attenborough have taught us that making love ensures our survival in the most long term sense.

Love itself is an ideal - it's immeasurable, unconquerable, unattainable and invisible to the naked eye. But the pragmatic steps we can take for ourselves - to learn to love our friends, family, neighbours and bodies, can improve our lives on a personal level and ultimately improve humanity.

Pragmatism is vital as we all have to live in the real world. But idealism - the belief in an ultimate ideal good of some kind - in my case Love - makes life worth living and is the past, present and future.

Coincidence or fact?

I have two extremely tenuous but different links to Gordon Brown. Firstly my ex 'boyfriend' was in his wife's class at school. Secondly, my Dad's best man's sister taught his mother in law at University.

You're only seven steps away from anyone apparently - because of course the population of the world is not infinite.

But I have zero (or zilcho as radio four would put it) links to Tony Blair or David Cameron (at the moment). Is that a coincidence in itself or do my tenuous links to Gordon Brown have their own 'meaning'?

Martyn Davies is not a dickhead

That'll teach me to do journalism Gilligan style - of course it's Martyn Lewis who's the idiot ramming financial products down our necks.

Is Martin Davies a dickhead?

The answer is it depends which Martin Davies you're talking about. Actually I know three off the top of my head. One of them was on Watchdog today - a typical money-making capitalist cretin, promoting his own website and career as a 'journalist' ie private PR merchant for bankers. He advertised the American Express credit card this time (after persuading my poor gullible loved-one a few months ago to get the Virgin credit card)on BBC one! How can he get away with it?

The second most recent was the Martin Davies who taught me how to manage stress, who is basically God himself.

The third was Martin Davies, the ex-social worker who used to be my boss. The only thing I remember about him was how proud he was that nobody had ever taken a grievance against him in his 25 year working life. Nice person too.

How come the nice people never get fame and fortune?

Birthday week apologies for Thatcher

OK I'm sorry for making jokes about Thatcher dying. It's just not funny .

NOT FUNNY.

I repeat, not funny.

You are visiting the award-winning Tattontastic website

Launched in August 2005, as a protest against 'Morganisation' aka 'geek-rule', this website which you have the pleasure of reading right now was yesterday awarded the ultimate accolade as being one of the inspirers 'favourites' on his computer at work.

The founders of Tattontastic however, are concerned that this means that they have in fact caught the 'Morganimus Maximus' virus turning Tattontastic into the Morganism it was trying to subsume.

An onlooker said 'I thought Tattontastic's jokes about Thatcher dying were quite harsh. Then I realised I was Morganised.'

Isn't it about time that bullying and harassment was made illegal?

Yet again another story about a woman commiting suicide because of bullying and harrasment. Today, a woman worker at 'KFC' was found to have committed suicide after colleagues verablly abused her.

It's an absolute joke that this happened on the same day that Robbie Williams got £200k damages for papers saying he was gay. The defammation laws are disgusting in this country - giving rich people the chance to get even richer whilst those who really need help for defammation have no opportunity for legal redress.

In my job, one part of which (of course the part of my job I really cherish and adore) is managing car parks. You can imagine the abuse myself and my staff get on a daily basis - from highly educated human beings. Apart from internal policy there is no opportunity to change people's behaviour.

The law is an ass. The law must change to allow individuals to take civil action regarding aggressive behaviour - such as verbal abuse and attacks.

Phil's cousin's blog is better than mine

I mean I know she's a bit older than me and works in the business, but Phil's cousin's blog is better than mine. And because I'm so uesless I don't know how to even refer to it so other people can look at it. joella.blogspot.com - think that's it. Hope she doesn't mind me advertising it here.

Her photos are brilliant - I can't even put mine on here.

Will Thatcher khark it tonight?

Heard the joyous news that Thatcher was in hospital 'feeling faint'. In fact the news was enough to enable me to get off from my sick bed (nasty cold that even Nurofen Plus doesn't seem to be sorting out) to write this. However if she does pop off tonight I'll be pissed off as I'll probably miss the party.

A good week

It started off badly with a bit of stress, but finished great so I must remember this week. Monday taught Expert Patient Programme course which was good, although I was so worried about my work in my day job that I was a bit preoccupied.

Tuesday was ok ish - managed to go through in tray in about ten seconds, but then got a rollicking as covering reception due to staff bereavement. Then Wednesday was Stress Managemnt training which was excellent. One of the best training days I have ever been on.
There are three stages of 'burnout' apparently. Stage one - where you feel stressed to yourself, ie worried thoughts etc. Stage Two is when you appear stressed to some others - ie palpitations, lack of sleep etc. Stage three is the crash stage - where your symptoms (whatever they are) are apparent to everyone. The key thing is your sense of humour - once that goes you've had it.

At stage three a lot of people develop the five anxiety illnesses (although some don't and just go back to normal).

Obsessive Compulsive, generalised anxiety disorder (distress all the time), panic disorder - panic attacks, four is post traumatic stress disorder and five (apparently the most common) - depression.

Then he (Martin Davies) went through the thought, feeling, behaviour 'vicious cycle'.

Then he went through transaction analysis. PArent, Child Adult. Interesting, not sure I agreed with all that though,but useful of course. It's very freud-ish, famildynamics. The whole concept of what a child is is only about a hundred years old of course.

The upshot was I decided I was potentially on stage one of burnout so I have tried to book a week off at Christmas.


Union stuff going well. Everyone's up in arms and I'm one of the people who know most about what's going on! Watch out George Bush, Tony Blair and Patricia Hewitt!

What happened to 'merit goods'?

I would really like to know how much the English Economics A Level has changed in the fourteen years since I did it. Obviously socialism's gone out of the window, but what about the theory backing it up? We learnt that things like education and health were 'merit goods' ie that the production increased the value of society and the economy to such an extent that it was in the economy's interest to provide them free of charge.

Has socialism died?

I'm sad enough to have looked socialism up in my 1991 Collins Dictionary of Economics. Under their definition it is basically a mixed economy - some state provision of services and some private sector. I was taught, and this isn't that long ago - when I was eighteen - that this is the sort of economy that we live in, in the UK. In my 2000 Penguin dictionary of philosophy, socialism is 'a theory and a movement advocating public ownership of the more important means of production'.

But precisely who these days is advocating this? Not the labour party for definite.

Not Roy Hattersley, from his diatribe advocating selling off the NHS a couple of weeks ago with the health secretary. And not Polly Toynbee who was doing the same. And not the New Statesman magazine, which had a glossy colour page pull out on privatising the NHS sponsored by Norwich Union.

And these are the 'left wing' of the Labour party.

Tatton victory over Hewitt as she retreats over 'Commissioning a Patient Led NHS'

The secretary of State for Health was forced into an embarrasing climb down today as she admitted that the only way forward was Tattonisation.

Speaking on the politics show on BBC1, she said that the important thing was that patients would lead the NHS.

She said that Primary Care Trusts would only subcontract out services after extensive local consultation.

Tatton - 3
REst of the World - 1