Thursday, November 01, 2012

Dealing with loss

Our cat has gone missing and life feels hard at the moment.  Some years ago I had bereavement training and it inspired me to come up with the following list of elements that help one deal with loss.  The first major thing that helps is the passage of time.  That might sound like you can't do anything about it, but actually you can.  Meditation for example helps you live in the moment.  The second major thing is safety - having a roof over your head, security.  The third is emotional support - friends and family.  So I have compiled a list of all the things that can help us (or me) deal with loss:

Write a journal.
Give the day a mark out of ten.
Try to do something memorable on each day.
Spend as much time with loved ones as possible.
Scheduling - schedule your time more effectively so you have plenty of 'me time' and healthy activities.
Enjoy the passage of time - note the seasons and the weather.
Live in the moment.  At this particular moment in time note precisely how you are feeling, sights, sounds, tastes, what you are doing.
Take each day at a time, each hour at a time, each minute at a time, each second.
Do deep breathing for ten seconds.
If you are really struggling, ask yourself 'What can I do to distract myself for 5 minutes?'

Appreciate being cosy wherever you are - snuggle up in a blanket
Put the heating on.
Try to control your expenditure/maximise income if you can.  Monitor it.
Have a cuddle or hug from a loved one
Concentrate on the feelings of warmth, beauty, finesse or other pleasant feelings.
Enjoy reassuring aromatherapy - like frankinscence.
Try to get everything that is broken fixed.
Ask for help from friends and family.
Don't make big decisions at this time - like moving house.  Appreciate what you know and love.
Do some cardiovascular exercise - keep yourself healthy and well.
Give yourself your favourite free treats when you concentrate on your safety - like a cup of tea, lipsyl or a hand massage.

Ask for support from friends and family - ring them or pop round.
Schedule activities where you meet people or talk to them on the phone.
Utilise professional support - from your GP or other service where you can.
Now is a good time to just see the friends and family who nurture you, not see the ones who are like leeches!
Appreciate the thing you have lost - with photos, momentoes, just remembering how they were and imagining them being as they were.  Their spirit and soul live on in our memories at least.