The History of the Nation State: My great friend Paolo

Yesterday we had a mini New Year celebration; Phil is working for 24 hours now so he'll miss seeing the New Year in. So we had an allegedly good friend of mine in (Paolo) with some spag bol. 'Celebration' might be a bit of a euphemism, 'Argument' is a better description probably. Paolo would be a great person to inspire a novel, as he is so novel. Boring yet interesting , Loyal yet spontaneous, Doglike yet catlike too. Talented yet destitute.

At home (here) I've got a 'Rainy Day Album' - it's a brilliant idea from the Bristol Cancer Haven place - They suggested a Rainy Day Box, but mine has expanded into a Rainy Day House. Anyway, in this album are photos of my friends and family to cheer me up. Paolo has a whole page to himself in this prestigious piece of work, and I've written on a piece of yellow card on his page 'Always talking - could talk for Italy, yet he always makes me laugh, my great friend Paolo'. And herein lies the issue - Phil could also talk for England. I, on this ocassion was Switzerland. The debate naturally turned to the nation state. They were both shouting at each other to shut up at the same time, when I offered my two penorth. Paolo was saying that the Italians are Arabs, Phil was saying that actually the Meditterareon peoples had inflenced the North Africans. I said that both these debates had a hint of racism about them and the important thing was the human race. They both counteracted that saying that there's evidence that humans can mate with baboons. Especially me. Ha ha ha. I think Phil was trying to get rid of PAolo as he put the entire Godfather collection on our new TV - but this of course inspired yet more yapping and wine consumption. From both of us (myself and Paolo). One of my main hobbies is talking through films - especially ones I don't like (see Pirates of the Caribbean, Braveheart etc etc ad infinituum below).

Tax the Rich

I'm thinking of starting a new blog called 'Tax the Rich'. What do people think?

I think the reason I'm thinking of doing it today because I'm so annoyed at being incommunicado and being charged for it!

The phone has cut off again, can't get any reception on Orange. It's like 1864 in this flat. At least I can get myself published without relying on a rich benefactor like Marx, who had to resort to borrowing money off Engels all the time.

First Class Holiday

We watched 'Pirates of the Caribbean' last night and I asked 'what's the point in killing people who are already dead?' and then it turned out that my TV bible (Time Out) also asked the same question - but they'd also put the said film as Film of the Day.

ANYWAY, today I've been on the internet and all my Amazon work seems to have been destroyed. I've tried on my wedding dress which is so exciting (the toile it's called, the dress which THE dress will be based on). I've looked at some old rubbish on ebay and decided that I too am going to become an EBAY success - selling some skis, ski boots and a second hand sheep skin jacket.

I'm feeling tons better and the chemo has worn off, Thank the Lord. And we went to midnight Mass on Christmas Eve. And I got a blessing from the priest. So all in all a really lovely, incredibly relaxing Christmas and we've still got the first class trip down to London to enjoy.

FAT at Christmas

1) Five Amazing Things is still going - although some people still don't understand acronyms (FAT stands for Five Amazing Things dumbos, not that I actually am Fat, although technically this could also be true)
2) Had the most relaxing day ever - am on chapter 4 of 'The Kalahari Men's School of Typing' by Alexander Mccall Smith - the forth one in his No 1 Ladies Dectective Agency series and I love it
3) Gorgeous Christmas presents - original Art Deco atomiser and perfume from Phil
4) He says he's thrilled with the 'Time Share in a Camper Van' which was the big present I got him
5) Also got a fabulous planter from his parents - with all the bulbs planted exactly as it was on Gardeners' World

Five Amazing Things

1) We had an amazing birthday meal at Chez Kristof. Marvellous.
2) It's Christmas time in Shropshire and already singing 'Darling Darling Give me your answer do'
3) Gorgeous diamond earrings for my birthday to go with my engagement ring
4) Beautiful presents for everyone for christmas - can't wait
5) Deferring all decisions until after Christmas - love it

Happy Birthday Self

There's a brilliant meditation script in one of my magazines. You imagine yourself, happy and relaxed walking on a beach with the sand and pebbles gently touching your feet. Then you see in the distance a person you really love. You're so happy to see them that gradually you feel yourself getting happier and happier, but still calm as you're having a great time on this lovely beach with the gentle wind and warm air. The person is so close now and now you're embracing them, so happy to have caught up with them again. Then you give them a hug and look at them in the eyes - and realise it's yourself. Your best friend, the person you love the most - It's you!

I'm a big one for blowing my own trumpet and I'm great. I'm one of the most loyal, caring, compassionate and generous people I know. I'm also sexy, passionate, with a great sense of humour and attractive with many creative talents and a brain which is capable of studying and teaching others so many things. Even if I do say so myself, I'm excellent with figures/money/maths, yet also brilliant at writing, public speaking, analysis, negotiation and debate. I'm very determined and focussed, yet with a soft heart always sharing my successes. I got the best GCSE results in Staffordshire, I got the best degree and a prize - the only one in my University. I raised over a million pounds in a year for the underpriveleged in one of my jobs and I've got a wonderful fiance.

I'm making sure I'm going to have many happy returns!

Jesus Christ

Jesus was 33 when he died, which is how old I'll be tomorrow. The terrible horrors I've experienced over the past 24 days means I'm now decided not to continue with chemo. There is such a thing as quality of life and I'd rather die of cancer than commit suicide. The choice is probably not so stark but even so I have a choice and I am lucky to have a choice and I would rather be myself, calm and collected than the monster I've witnessed recently.

To chemo or not to chemo

Today has been a 'No' day. Because I've enjojyed the day and the night almost as much as I did four weeks ago. My short term memory has felt like it's returning to normal.

Anway Five Amazing Things:

1) My bird of paradise - the applique bird that my shoemaker has made me
2) Diamond ring
3) Friends
4) Family
5) Food and champagne again

50 Ways to Deal with Anxiety

1) Write Lists
2) Good amount of sleep
3) Homeopathy
4) Bachs Flower REmedy
5) Chamomile Tea
6) Art Therapy
7) Writing Blog
8) Walking
9) Art
10) Support from Family
11) **Phil!**
12) Cats
13) Clinical Psychologist
14) Community Mental Health Team
15) Medicinal Answer
16) Sewing
17) Friends
18) Alexander Technique
19) Cleaning
20) Assistance withCleaning
21) Tidy Up
22) Make Up
23) Lavender Bath
24) Aromatherapy
25) Meditation
26) Yoga
27) Cycling
28) Acupuncture
29) Acupressure
30) Cooking
31) Eating
32) Wedding PLanning
33) Distraction
34) Routine
35) RElaxation
36) Writing children's stories
37) Calligraphy
38) Planning Event
39) Hypnosis
40) Look at Diamond
41) Expressing Gratitude, in fact most positive emotions
42) Positive Thinking
43) Go on the internet
45) Soak up nature
46) Look at a plant or flower
47) Gaze at the Sky
48) Say Calm on your out breath ten times
49) Massage
50) Reflexology

Twenty Amazing Things (continued) [TAT]

1) You can quite clearly see why nobody's bothered doing Twenty Amazing things, because you essentially run out of time or someone interrupts you.
2) That's why it's best to stick to 3
3) or Five in my case
4) Might go to Planet Organic in a minute
5) Might have an early night
6) Our Xmas cards are coming through anytime
7) I've updated my address book
8) It's also got birthdays in it
9) Feeling very calm and peaceful after my acupressure
10) Might become an acupressurist
11) It's better than being an oncologist
12) Does ANYONE like their oncologist?
13) Was that really an amazing question or thing?
14) The cats have been extra nice today
15) Must be the wind
16) I'm really scraping the barrel now
17) This is a bit like doing HAiku
18) That reminds me of another amazing thing - Blaglday
19) And PW - he sent me about ten amazing poems today
20) Me and the acupuncturist had a good old fashioned laugh today

Twenty Amazing Things

1) My nickname used to be TAT (surprise surprise)
2) The tattonmeister rang
3) I might run out of time doing this
4) I am waiting for my acupuncture appointment
5) At the Fulham Haven
6) Sparkling crystal diamond
7) He's called me already
8) Must go)

Five Amazing Things

1) Chapel St market is very cheap indeed
2) can't think of number two
3) The cats are lovely
4) One carat single solitaire diamond ring with platinum band on my fourth finger which I used to play the piano with
5) The Tattonmeister's thumb is better
6) My short term memory is going, but my long term one is still going strong. Hurrah for Women into Science and Engineering

The future's Zen

Five Amazing Things (More FAT)

1) We have broadband and the future is Zen not Orange
2) My fiancee is amazing and has won a major prize (in addition to me being his wife in less than six months)
3) RP has rung
4) I helped cheer up Auntie Enid today by telling her I might get christened (although not Cof E which she wasn't over the moon about)
5) 1 carat diamond solitaire on a platinum band, picked by HIM

Dancing Chemo Queen

Five Amazing Things

1) Blaglady is texting me all her news and social whirl
2) My Dad's GP says talking about, getting excited about and generally happy about the wedding is perfectly normal and fine
3) Feng Shui, acupuncture, marital and nuptial therapy, acupressure, massage, hugging, smiling, aromathrerapy, crystal therapy (which I call diamond therapy), Yoga, homepathy, Alexander Technique, self-hypnosis & Pilates all work to make me feel better
4) Dr S has postponed the next chemo session until 2nd January and made me a special clinic
5) Phil is amazing and Phil means love in greek and/or latin (Blaglady can you help me out with that one?)

It's glam up North

When people say 'I'd rather have cancer than go up North' they are quite literally joking. Up here there's make up, foundation I think they call it. It makes you look beautiful even though you've got a fat moon face and look like Kylie Minogue on steroids. To the extent where I actually think I'm Kylie Minogue on steroids and they have to quite literally lock me up. But that's another story for another day.

Today, I look amazing, like the dark haired woman off Blakes Seven, if there's anyone in their forties reading this. To anyone else I look like, dare I say it, Fat Kylie.

Phil, Cookie and Mum, Dad, E, K etc have done a sterling job of looking after me up here and now I am looking forward to my next chemo dose. Well sort of. I'm looking forward to staying alive is another way of puttting it.

Five
Amazing
Things

1) Body Shop Foundation
2) Body Shop concealer
3) Size 12 clothes
4) Scales
5) Fiancee and being engaged

Enjoying Life in the Country

Life is beautiful - just waiting for Phil to finish work while I stay at his parents house:

Five
Amazing
Things

1) My one carat brilliant cut diamond engagement ring
2) The accurate watch Mum lent me on my left hand which accurately tells the time
3) The magnetic bracelet with a tibetan symbol which is like a crystal on my right hand. This helps with the nausea
4) My amazing zing a zing, ten to the power of infinity fiance who is the best in the world
5) All the doctors and nurses in the world and the beautiful fresh, breezy and sunny air of the Midlands, in England